PETA suggests replacing Punxsutawney Phil with a ‘weather reveal’ cake

[Jack Aylmer]

GROUNDHOG DAY IS ALMOST HERE … AND ANIMAL RIGHTS ORGANIZATION PETA IS CALLING FOR CHANGES TO THE CELEBRATION ONCE AGAIN – BUT DOES ITS LATEST IDEA TAKE THE CAKE? 

PETA – OR “PEOPLE FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF ANIMALS” IS NOW SUGGESTING THE TOWN OF PUNXSUTAWNEY, PENNSYLVANIA REPLACE THE FEBRUARY SECOND PUNXUTAWNEY PHIL GROUNDHOG TRADITION … WITH A “WEATHER REVEAL” *VEGAN* CAKE.

TYPICALLY, IF THE ANIMAL SEES ITS SHADOW, IT MEANS SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.

IF THERE IS NO SHADOW – THAT MEANS EARLY SPRING.

PETA SAYS THE SWEET TREAT WOULD BE SIMILAR TO HOW CAKES ARE USED DURING BABY GENDER REVEAL CELEBRATIONS.

ONCE THE CAKE IS CUT – IT WOULD SHOW EITHER BLUE MEANING SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER OR PINK – MEANING AN EARLY SPRING.

IN A LETTER TO THE PUNXSUTAWNEY GROUNDHOG CLUB … PETA SAYS QUOTE 

“YEAR AFTER YEAR, PHIL IS TRANSPORTED TO GOBLER’S KNOB, WHISKED ON STAGE, AND SUBJECTED TO A NOISY ANNOUNCER, SCREAMING CROWDS, AND FLASHING LIGHTS AGAINST ALL HIS NATURAL INSTINCTS. IF APPROACHED IN HIS NATURAL HABITAT, HE WOULD RUN AWAY IN FEAR, NOT VOLUNTEER TO LIVE YEAR-ROUND IN CAPTIVITY, UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING THAT’S NATURAL AND IMPORTANT TO HIM LIKE HIBERNATE OR BURROW — JUST TO BE A TOWN’S ONCE-A-YEAR FAKE METEOROLOGIST.”

PETA HAD MADE OTHER SUGGESTIONS IN THE PAST TO REPLACE PUNXATAWNEY PHIL. 

IN 2024, THE GROUP ASKED FOR PHIL TO REPLACED BY A GIANT COIN, WHILE IN 2022, THEY SUGGESTED OFFICIALS USE A PERSIMMON TREE TO PREDICT THE WEATHER INSTEAD. 

IN 2020, PETA SAID THE ANIMAL SHOULD BE SWAPPED OUT FOR AN ANIMATRONIC VERSION THAT WOULD BE EQUIPPED WITH ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CAPABLE OF MORE ACCURATELY PREDICTING THE WEATHER.

STRAIGHT ARROW NEWS REACHED OUT TO THE PUNXATAWNEY GROUNDHOG CLUB FOR A RESPONSE ON PETA’S LATEST SUGGESTION, BUT WE HAVE NOT YET HEARD BACK. 

FORMER PRESIDENT AND CURRENT MEMBER OF THE CLUB JEFF LUNDY RESPONDED TO PETA’S PAST SUGGESTIONS IN A 20-22 INTERVIEW WITH K-D-K-A RADIO … CALLING PHIL “THE KING IN PUNXSUTAWNEY” … SAYING HE LIVES AT A CERTIFIED AGRICULTURAL ZOO AND GETS REGULAR VET CHECKS. 

THE PUNXUTAWNEY PHIL REVEAL HAS BEEN A TRADITION SINCE 18-87.

ACCORDING TO THE STORMFAX WEATHER ALMANAC, PHIL HAS BEEN RIGHT ONLY ABOUT 39 PERCENT OF THE TIME.

FOR SAN I’M JACK ALYMER. 

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