SIMONE DEL ROSARIO

THE SUPER BOWL IS TECHNICALLY A FOOTBALL GAME – BUT THE COMMERCIALS ARE THEIR OWN MAIN EVENT. LAST YEAR’S BIG GAME WAS DUBBED THE CRYPTO BOWL BECAUSE OF ALL THE CRYPTOCURRENCY ADS – AT 6.5 MILLION PER 30 SECONDS. AND HOW HAS THE LAST YEAR TREATED THESE BIG SPENDERS? LET’S FIND OUT IN THIS WEEK’S FIVE FOR FRIDAY.

FOR AS MUCH AS THEY SPENT – ETORO’S AD FELL PRETTY FLAT. NO STAR POWER, NO COMEDY, NO ONE REALLY TALKED ABOUT ‘EM. AND THE TRADING APP’S YEAR WAS PRETTY SIMILAR TO ITS SPOT – UNEVENTFUL. BUT CONSIDERING WHAT THE CRYPTO INDUSTRY’S GONE THROUGH, GOOD FOR THEM. BORING MIGHT BE THE PLAY AFTER ALL.

BINANCE THREW SHADE AT THE GAME, IRONICALLY TAPPING NBA STAR JIMMY BUTLER FOR A TWITTER VIDEO TELLING FANS NOT TO LISTEN TO THE BIG NAMES IN THE SUPER BOWL PUSHING YOU TO BUY CRYPTO (POP: “BINANCE AND I ARE HERE TO TELL YOU TRUST YOURSELF AND DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH.”). SINCE THEN, BINANCE HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF TRIGGERING THE LIQUIDITY CRISIS THAT CAUSED THE COLLAPSE OF ITS RIVAL FTX – AND NOW IT’S GOBBLING UP MARKET SHARE UNLIKE ANY OTHER COMPETITOR.

COINBASE’S AD WAS JUST A QR CODE BOUNCING AROUND LIKE A DVD SCREENSAVER. IF YOU SCANNED IT YOU COULD GET $15 IN BITCOIN BY JOINING. IT WAS SO POPULAR THEIR APP CRASHED. BUT THE CRYPTO WINTER IS COLD one. THEY’VE LAID OFF MORE THAN 2000 EMPLOYEES OVER THE LAST YEAR, WHILE REPORTING A BILLION DOLLAR LOSS IN THE SECOND QUARTER. NOT TOO BAD COMPARED TO THE REST OF THIS LIST, BUT STILL NOT GOOD.

CRYPTO.COM AND MATT DAMON GOT ROASTED FOR THEIR FORTUNE FAVORS THE BRAVE ADS WHICH AIRED WELL BEFORE THE BIG GAME. BY THE TIME THE SUPER BOWL ROLLED AROUND, THIS LEBRON JAMES SPOT SEEMED MORE LIKE AN AD FOR THE NBA SUPERSTAR THAN CRYPTO. CRYPTO.COM HAS LAID OFF THOUSANDS OF EMPLOYEES SINCE LAST SUMMER AND THEIR TOKEN CRONOS LOST A BILLION IN VALUE BACK IN NOVEMBER DUE TO THE DREADED FTX CONTAGION. INTERESTINGLY, CONTAGION IS A MATT DAMON MOVIE.

LARRY DAVID BEING SKEPTICAL ABOUT INNOVATIONS SEEMED LIKE A GOOD PLAY FOR FTX LAST YEAR. (SOT POP: “EHHH, I DON’T THINK SO, AND I’M NEVER WRONG ABOUT THESE THINGS.”) BUT, NOW IT’S BANKRUPT AND ITS FOUNDER IS UNDER HOUSE ARREST AT MOM AND DAD’S. FTX WAS ACCUSED OF ILLEGALLY FINANCING THE SPOT, AND DAVID AND OTHER CRYPTO SHILLING CELEBS ARE NAMED IN A CLASS ACTION SUIT FOR THEIR PROMOTION OF FTX.

TALK ABOUT A MIC DROP. I’D BET ON NOT SEEING ANY CRYPTO ADS THIS YEAR. WE HEAR BOOZE IS BACK TO FILL THAT VOID. THAT’S FIVE FOR FRIDAY, I’M SIMONE DEL ROSARIO. IT’S JUST BUSINESS.